a small heartbeat (to swallow)

I am still
a competent man

I am
yet
able

show me a thing
that I
once did

I will do it over
again

I will do it smarter
again

I have not lost
my wit or
my ken

I believe myself
a magnitude
wiser

but . . .

one thing
is two

then
add on another

stir
stir
and stir them all well

I grow lost . . .

dis-orientated
among the swirling colours
that they are

grow hesitant
to choose among
to touch

to test or
to believe
in my own knowledge

in myself
the way
I ought to

and need to

and
once upon a time
I used to

the world moves
too fast for me
now

and I
am much slower

I feel my heart
beating hard

and loud

as though
freshly frightened
or somehow
startled

and I know
that I have been

no event comes to me
alone
any more

no
they throng
and
clamour

I am old

bent
at the waist
and stooping
(just a little)

I can do
anything

almost
everything
I ever could
if first
I can
swallow
the small heartbeat
of my own fear

~