the sun streams (a world away)

was he afraid
of death

it is a good
question

a fair one

eighty-eight years
represents
a long life
but
there was never
the suggestion
of it ending

practical considerations
yes

a plot

a coffin style

a memorial

but
never an indication
of emotional preparation

of belief
in the inevitable

always
the plan
was to experience
another day

and then . . .

another

the one time
an illness took him
morphine
and then midazolam
and buscopan

(and repeat)

acted
as a tonic

his thanks
on waking
back to life . . .

what
did you bring me back
for

why indeed
and
though he would have been
happy enough
for an ending there
under those circumstances

he showed no sign
of deliberate preparation
for any last journey

I think that
when it came . . .

when he
went

it was not
a surprise
to him

perhaps
he was preparing himself
quietly
and out of my sight
through all that time

in his own way

the nurse said
he called out
my name
then fell
into himself

into
the last
sleep

he roused
just the once
through that long night

just for a moment
of clear-eyed
contact
with me

then back
inside himself

shut tight

breathing hard

in the morning
he was . . .

no more

the change
from breath
to
no breath

from alive
to wax
is accomplished
in an instant

he was gone
completely
quicker than the time
it took
for the warmth of his hand
to fade
as I held it

while the sounds of the world
just outside the door
seemed far
and far
away

and the sun shone in
through a veiled window

~