sybil says (it is tedious)

it is true
that I looked

for who would not

so many days
and times
across the years

calculating age
to with a minute
of the millennium day
to come

calculating experiences
anticipated
in advance of the life
of them

for what
is youth
when it comes to it

when I
come to it

it is the waiting

the anticipation

the excitement of the moment
before
its inevitable collapse
into mundanity

before the forces
of necessary adjustment
necessarily adjust

of maturity
attained
through the grinding
of life

a thing
to be recalled
vaguely
through the haze
of an obscured horizon
shimmering
from some distance
behind

and yet
it is a wish
to last forever

to live on
and on
in the hope
of something
big

bigger than big

sleep-denying anxiety
lest it should come
pass by
between moments
of wakefulness

would I wish
to live it again . . .

well . . .

would you

I
would not
no

no

such a wish
now
seems foolishness

as foolish
perhaps
as to believe
that the future
I once so anticipated
would be a better one
than this

the realm
of anticipation
it seems
is merely an illusion
disguising
now

there is
only
now

and it grows
ever
more tedious

does it not

~

17 thoughts on “sybil says (it is tedious)

  1. I concur with Ellen. This is a particularly thought-provoking poem that really resonates with me, perhaps because you and I are at the same stage of life. If I had acknowledged the truth of the following lines when I was younger, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and depression:

    it is the waiting

    the anticipation

    the excitement of the moment
    before
    its inevitable collapse
    into mundanity.

    But at the same time, I still don’t want to believe that that my life is an inevitable collapse into mundanity.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think there is a need to remind ourselves, to reset periodically to prevent it from that collapse into nothing soeciual, Liz. A lifetime of pursuit, rather than of acceptance, perhaps.

      Like

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