the writer commits a suicide

he imagines the death

looks through the curtain
the veil
to the possible past

for

motive

slowly
a picture emerges

the small triumph
the large failure

moments of nothing
but angst

a progression
plotted
with a blue marker
on squares
running across
then down
on a rotatable whiteboard

the storyboard

ticking off justifications
and steps
towards intolerable
feelings

distress
and dismay

marked
onto the board

and the idea
develops

gaining momentum
like a ball of snow
rolling
growing
at the head
of an avalanche

rolling fast

rolling faster

unstoppable

even if
he had wanted
to stop it

then
a search
a thorough search
for the most appropriate means

a tool

by pill
by rope
by the gun

maybe
in water

what method
most
suits the character

until
there
the note has been typed
and the printer-paper
of a life
has breathed its last

the novel sent off
with its sad but justified corpse
to be printed

he stares out
through the curtains
the veil
to a possible future

wonders
if it is worth
all the bother
in the end

~

Poem #474 from a series of poems drawn from the imagination and collected as: a Bachelard reverie.

4 thoughts on “the writer commits a suicide

  1. You had me there for a while!
    And yes, it is soul-wrenching to seek these things out in the name of the character – they’re real in terms of how they connect to the reader. Sometimes, it’s all too real (there are some subjects I can’t touch – too close, too personal, too hard to deal with – yet).

    Liked by 1 person

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