at odd moments I will imagine myself outside
I see this scene as though I am a separate person          a watcher
standing alone out there          in the act of inhaling
it is almost as though I have in fact taken a drag
as though I am holding the very cigarette in my hand
almost as though I am ready to weep
the inhaled breath perilously close to jerking sob

but I do not weep
it is only a momentary visual memory
a hallucinatory flickering          a trick of addiction

conversation continues around me without pause
there is no waft of smoke above the gathering
but a descending sensation of failure
wreathing around me          an island of trickled          thin          blue
a lonely cocoon to silently embrace an urgent need
that only I can see          and taste

© Frank Prem, 2002

4 thoughts on “craving

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